You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
