ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The Olympian is in my bed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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