She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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