Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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