I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
