Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
