She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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