smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
