How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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