You work out of a Hotel?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
