whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
where am i from again
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
