i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
