I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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