I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize