I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
