If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
