How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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