I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
