i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then my night got REAL pukey
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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