When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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