So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
