Me too!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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