He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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