who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
