porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
