I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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