didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
