the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize