We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
