Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
