your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
