My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you had me at cake vodka
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
