what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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