I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
