wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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