great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
