dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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