I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
