Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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