I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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