if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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