She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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