i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Two words: nipple clamps
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