his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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