well I can't set my house on fire every night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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