Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
