im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
