I would go down on you faster than GM stock
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
