Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
