you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
