Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
