Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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