he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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