I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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