Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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