When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
