I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
