..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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