no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
