i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
