well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
